Domestic Enemies...

So, my wrist has been acting up a lot lately, and it's been really hard for me to type. When my wrist goes out, my fingers swell to the size of little sausages and get very stiff. I swear, it's tons of fun :-)
So, in the effort of actually continuing to post on occasion, I will repost something that I started writing for another blog and then realized that this blog had already posted on the subject. This other blog is geared for mommies of all natures, and they run a series called "The Domestic Enemies of the  _______ Mom". So, here is my list of Domestic Enemies of the Trying to Conceive Mommy!

1.       The Well Meaning Relative- About a year after we were married, and after we’d already been TTC (trying to conceive in barren-speak) for several months, my father-in-law passed away suddenly. We travelled to the funeral, and I met a lot of my husband’s extended family for the first time. At the funeral home, I met my husband’s paternal grandmother. We made our polite introductions, and she quickly followed up with, “So, you’ve been married a year and you’re not pregnant yet? Aren’t you ever having sex?” Thanks Grandma, nice to meet you! That same week, my mother-in-law looked at my thicker-than-at-my-wedding body and asked if I was pregnant. “Nope, just chubby.” At least the stranger behind us thought that one was funny…

2.       The Expense/The Insurance Game- My husband and I have never been able to afford medical intervention for our infertility. We accidentally paid out of pocket for a very few tests before realizing that no matter what they told us, out insurance didn’t actually cover any expenses that might possibly be linked to infertility. I had more than one conversation with insurance representatives over the phone who promised me that this next test or this next appointment with this new specialist would absolutely be covered, only to get a giant bill in the mail a few weeks later. Awesome.

3.       The Overly Fertile People That Suddenly Surround You- In the five years we’ve been TTC, we’ve seen friends have their first, their second, and in a few special cases, their third or fourth children. More of our friends/family have “accidentally” become pregnant than I care to keep counting. At one point or another we’ve had no fewer than SEVEN coworkers become pregnant at the same @#$^ing time. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled for each and every one of them, but it is an exquisitely painful reminder of what you can’t have when you see yourself suddenly surrounded by bulging bellies at every turn.

4.       Your Period and Everything That Comes With It- As exquisitely painful as it is to see bulging bellies poking out at you all the freaking time, that awful red smear once a month is like a stab directly to the heart. There is no clearer sign of how you’ve failed once again to do something that should come so-freaking-naturally. Except, perhaps all those negative pregnancy tests….

5.       Miscarriages- A dear friend of mine has been TTC for almost two years now, and she got the prized positive this past spring. She got to experience all the elation of finally being pregnant and finally getting to tell all her friends that they were finally having their baby. Then, she miscarried. As devastating as all those damn periods are, I can’t even imagine what this must have felt like.

6.       The Know-it-All-For years, I’ve been hearing unsolicited advice about how to get pregnant.

Everyone seems to have an opinion on what I’m doing wrong. “Try doing pregnancy yoga, it’ll really help!” Yup, I want to watch a bunch of pregnant women bending over…. “Try putting your legs over your head and keeping a pillow under your butt, you’ll conceive in no time!” Um, ow? “Try cutting out all caffeine and alcohol” Caffeine AND alcohol? Are you nuts? I’m more than happy to cut them both out for the sake of an actual pregnancy, but personally, I won’t cope with the stress of TTC without my two favorite vices.

7.       Abortion-Forget all politically correct niceties, at the end of the day abortion kills babies that haven’t been born yet. After working my butt off just to make a baby for five years, I can’t even pretend to understand how someone could possibly want to kill their baby, and it makes me angry. Like, wanting to punch things kinds of angry. Pregnancy is inconvenient to you? Keep your legs closed. You got raped? I am truly sorry, but I can’t imagine anything more wonderful coming from something so tragic.

Through all this pain, we’ve known joy. About three years ago, we adopted our son through the foster care system. He comes from such an abused, neglected background; I can’t even begin to describe it. We had wanted to adopt an infant, but when we saw his picture on-line, we were smitten. He looks just like my husband. He’s also a teenager, so we have never had the opportunity to parent a small child. So, we keep trying. We keep trying because we have absolute faith in the plans that God has for us. Without His divine comfort and guidance, we would never make it through all the pain of the past few years. We might get pregnant someday, and we might not. It’s not for us to know, it’s up to us to obey, and praise God, even in the midst of this strife.